In loving memory of Dillon Toyne who died on the 28th October 2010. He was my best mate, my big brother. He encouraged and educated me. What I loved about Dillon was that he was a hard man from York, with an amazing mind, that became an academic, of the taboo. Yes He was a writer, but he was also a man that got things done. There is an amazing community garden on the Cranbrook Estate in Bethnal Green, (where he lived) that he created shortly before he died.

Desire and destruction are my aqua vitae, the guiding forces to my life’s journey, and boy what a journey. The highs and lows of a manic depressive are child’s play when compared to the ups and downs of my life. I’m always playing with death, seeking the ultimate pleasure, the highest high, an earthly nirvana, but in the words of the song, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”. Nonetheless, even if the likelihood of achieving success is reduced with time and experience, I keep seeking that which is beyond compare, the highest of highs. Never let it be said I lack foresight or presence of mind. I am wary of the clearly signposted dangers, should I dip my foot in too far I always pull back from the edge, knowing my desire for the ulitimate pleasure exacts a high price, maybe in the final analysis it is too high a price for a mere mortal like me. Mortality can be a powerful restraint on those seeking pleasure beyond belief. Dillon Toyne Writing in 2009