I respect Jay’s point of view in as far as he defines it. As a gay man who never fancies women he clearly has it sorted. Black and white as he says. But for me, I deal with it every day. My neck has constant whiplash from rubber-necking at every attractive jogger in the park – Hot girls seem to be as common as hot men for me. I make eye contact with the men and find some looking back. I feel like a dirty old man to make eye contact with the women. My actual sexual desire rises and falls towards women and men at different times. All I know is that I am generally Hornier the older I get. I wank to both types of porn. I have great sex with my wife but not nearly enough is on offer. I have refrained from cheating on her with women because that seems lacking in gallantry. And she is HOT…. I love her and have had discussions about not wanting a platonic marriage. The sex frequency and quality improves for a while then slips back and my eyes wander again. So every now and then I have a quiet wank with a bloke or book a massage. I’ve tried going further but found that each time I do, the reality less attractive than the fantasy – which seems clear to me to now know the boundary of my attractions. It’s mostly a fetish with dick and nuts and a sacred bonding between brothers that I just really enjoy and value alongside my marriage. Others may have a different view. But within the limits Of what I found works for me, this makes sense. If I wasn’t married, I would definitely do different things. But I am and I like being married to this woman. Does she know? No. Or at least we never speak of it. I am not afraid of identifying as something else. I am simply aware that Gay men seem impatient with us bi guys because they assume we are simply “in transition” or “in denial”. But equally, very few women will share their man with another set of blokes. Bi is a lonely place that neither gay men nor women like or permit you to be. Bob

8 thoughts on “a quiet wank with a bloke

  1. Appreciate the thoughts you shared, Bob.
    I do not care for labels, and many are unnecessary IMO.
    And many more are nobody’s business but our own.

  2. I hear all of you. My first love and love of my life was a track star and artist at school. Michael, what days and nights we had! Then lots of women, 3 wives, 5 kids, wonderful fantasies about men, then … actual men again, glorious naked men to hold and kiss and suck and fuck. A few deep bonds. But always, even brief encounters, getting closer to my first and only real love, gone forever. The categories don’t matter. Seize the day, love the man, love the woman, love the sex and all that it reveals about you, him, her, being alive.

  3. I’ve dealt with it by just exiling myself utterly from the world of men and having no social life whatsoever outside my nuclear family, which is practical from a scheduling perspective. It helps that I have such loathing for my body that the thought of actual contact is distasteful.

    1. You don’t know me and maybe you won’t believe me, but you are perfect as you are my friend.
      You deserve to love yourself.

  4. Sacred bonding between brothers, alongside your marriage. I feel you Bob. And I’ll say that the warmth or hotness of another man’s penis is divine.

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