I’m 66. For most of my life I told myself that I was not gay. I could find attraction in men and to their God-cocks, play around (rarely) in a secretive and guilt-ridden way, and feel terrible afterwards, but definitely not gay!
Aged 56, I had an epiphany: woke up on a beautiful sunny Monday morning and said to myself, ‘Yes, I am gay’. It was like a weight was lifted of me, I felt such lightness and joy. I eventually came out to my wife. We are still together. We have a deep and lasting and nourishing bond of love. We are intimate, but not sexual. I make arrangements to be with men. I am discreet because she remains uneasy about it.
But I have to be fully who I am, and if that is too much for her, I would leave. I have made some wonderful sexual connections with men, and some less good too. I have some wonderful deep platonic friendships with men that I lacked before. I have them now because I can now show up exactly as I am, proud, shameless and unapologetic – I stand fully in my masculinity, charged with phallic erotic energy; with that energy I exude the authenticity, confidence and authority that attracts men to me. Gay and straight.
Just recently I came to understand that the word, ‘gay’ no longer serves me, and I prefer ‘queer’ – not as a label, but how I think and feel about myself. I used to hate that word, associated in my younger days with hatred, fear and derision. Now, I love it and I claim it. I find my horniness comes and goes in seasons of its own at this time in my life, and I welcome the peaks and troughs.
Right now I’m super horny, lots of my me-time spent in fantasy, in meetings, in wanking, in celebration and loving kindness of my arse, cock, balls and body. I’m often oozing precum and I take every opportunity to gather it and feed on it, just as I do with my spunk. Likewise other men’s juicy secretions and their spunk. I have rediscovered these pages recently and love to see what’s posted. It’s beyond porn for me because there is so much heart here along with the eroticism. I have become very interested in sacred sexuality and I have an intention to offer some experience to men in this area. That’s in development.Amar Rama
My thanks to Seb and all who contribute to this site.
Yes. “There is something very primal about men being able to share sexual delight together.” So true Amar. So true. There are many words that try to define us but few that work cumpletely.. I like the word “bi” but it is frequently misunderstood. I actually think however, that such misunderstanding is what I like. Ambiguous and I’ll-defined. Sort of as if I am saying : – I don’t give a fuck what you think. I swing both ways and I go where the mood takes me. But, despite that, the man on man thing has a very special significance and your words I quoted above sum that up beautifully. A very warm and very firm head to head hand shake to you brother. From my cock to yours.Bob