I had a hard time accepting my homosexuality. I married a woman twenty years ago. At the time I thought I was bisexual, although she didn’t know it. But over the past 5 years or so, I’ve come to realize that I’m a homosexual. I only masturbate to men, my only fantasies are men, even when I have sex with my wife. I started watching gay porn a few years ago and I had never been so turned on. I also sucked a few cocks in college, but I thought I was just experimenting. But it wasn’t. I loved sucking cock. Homosexuality wasn’t as accepted at the time(late 80’s). During college, I did have several girl friends that questioned my sexuality. I would always pretend to get offended. In reality I was relieved that they might know. I even had a friend that told me “ I know you’re gay.” I asked her how she knew. She said there’s something about the way you act when hot guys are around!! Finally in my late 40’s I began to accept the cock lover I am. I have embraced my love for the masculine! As of now, my wife still doesn’t know, but I think she suspects. I’m hoping to soon open up to her.

Shane

Hey brother, it’s up to you to decide when to come out to your wife. Although, I would advice you to do so sooner rather than late. Time is wasting, both yours, and hers. You may expect there to be hurt feelings and bruised egos. Some women don’t take that kind of news well, and internalize it and think that she ”made you gay”. She may be mad at you for wasting her youth by not coming out sooner, etc. Whatever happens, you must ride it out, and see it through. It will be tough, but you can do it. You may feel bad for her, understand her… but you can’t sacrifice your whole life and happiness for her, or you will grow into a sad, impotent shadow of a man. Don’t settle for the comfort of the known, but instead embrace the unknown. You stand on the cusp of a life of freedom, and maybe even a second ”puberty” of sorts. When a man takes that step and starts leading the life he’s always been meant for, it’s a profound experience. One that I share. It wasn’t until I fully embraced my homosexuality that I finally felt like a real man. And remember, you are no less of a man for being homo. You are more. Good luck, bro.

Ben

I am slowly cumming around to being homosexual; I sucked my first dick last month (I am 50) and I felt excited and erotic and somewhat empowered. Listening to the above from Shane is similar to me; I want to sample more cock now more than ever. Sitting typing this has given me a huge hard on and I’m going to masturbate to the pictures on this website, dreaming of plucking the courage to take my next cock in my mouth, this time finishing him to completion!

Cameron

It took me a long time to accept my homosexuality but eventually I did in my late twenties. Before that I tried to persuade myself that I’m straight and I had girlfriends but then I realised that I can’t even have sex with them as I can’t get an erection. Then I started to date guys and here I am a cock sucker who can’t think of anything else but gay sex.

Steve

To Shane: Looks like you are describing me. You are a my mirror image. If you ever want to discuss in private emails let me know and I would be happy to talk to someone exactly like me. Cheers

Charles

18 thoughts on “The Cock Lover I Am

  1. I’m 66.
    For most of my life I told myself that I was not gay.
    I could find attraction in men and to their God-cocks, play around (rarely) in a secretive and guilt-ridden way, and feel terrible afterwards, but definitely not gay!
    Aged 56, I had an epiphany: woke up on a beautiful sunny Monday morning and said to myself, ‘Yes, I am gay’.
    It was like a weight was lifted of me, I felt such lightness and joy.
    I eventually came out to my wife.
    We are still together. We have a deep and lasting and nourishing bond of love.
    We are intimate, but not sexual.
    I make arrangements to be with men.
    I am discreet because she remains uneasy about it.
    But I have to be fully who I am, and if that is too much for her, I would leave.
    I have made some wonderful sexual connections with men, and some less good too.
    I have some wonderful deep platonic friendships with men that I lacked before.
    I have them now because I can now show up exactly as I am, proud, shameless and unapologetic – I stand fully in my masculinity, charged with phallic erotic energy; with that energy I exude the authenticity, confidence and authority that attracts men to me. Gay and straight.
    Just recently I came to understand that the word, ‘gay’ no longer serves me, and I prefer ‘queer’ – not as a label, but how I think and feel about myself.
    I used to hate that word, associated in my younger days with hatred, fear and derision.
    Now, I love it and I claim it.
    I find my horniness comes and goes in seasons of its own at this time in my life, and I welcome the peaks and troughs.
    Right now I’m super horny, lots of my me-time spent in fantasy, in meetings, in wanking, in celebration and loving kindness of my arse, cock, balls and body. I’m often oozing precum and I take every opportunity to gather it and feed on it, just as I do with my spunk.
    Likewise other men’s juicy secretions and their spunk.
    I have rediscovered these pages recently and love to see what’s posted.
    It’s beyond porn for me because there is so much heart here along with the eroticism.
    I have become very interested in sacred sexuality and I have an intention to offer some experience to men in this area.
    That’s in development.
    My thanks to Seb and all who contribute to this site.

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